revealed

I love it when God changes my mind and my heart...i love it i love it i love it i love it. I love when He shines light on dark places in my heart.

So i never thought it really worked before ( i know, i know... I have so little faith and i'm horribly self righteous) but recently when the enemy has come to accuse my heart and begins to steal from me, shame me, and condemn me I quote scripture and beleive in its power. And guess what?! It really works...who would have thought, right?..I mean...it's just the word of God (I hope you picked up on the sarcasm in that last statement). His words are void and fall to the ground, but the words of Jesus are sharp and do not return void. His words are true. If He calls you beautiful it is not just an opinion...He's the creator of beauty..He determines what is beautiful. It's true. Dont you love Jesus for that? What He thinks of us is real and true. LALALALALA!!! <-that is me singing.

I was also thinking today about how excited I am to meet myself. Have you ever thought about that? Like who we are is yet to be known. In this age we are fighting and wrestling to really discover who we are and understand where our identity really lies. I was thinking about when I was younger and the pain of not knowing myself, not understanding myself, and hating all of my insecurities in my own skin. I had no clue who I was. Now that I am learning to walk and yoke myself to Jesus, the more I begin to see jesus redeeming me, and I am slowly (but surely) learning to love myself, understand myself, and love the way that He made me. The more I see of Him the more I see of my own identity..because He created me..He formed me..and He dreamed me into exsistence. I love that He had this dream in mind, and one day when He apears I will see Him and I will be like Him...and then I just imagine myself in the age to come..in the millenial kingdom. Im going to be shining so brightly, I am going to be smiling so big, I am going to be fully alive, I am going to be fully loved, I am going to be fully known. the veil is going to be lifted off my eyes and I am going to see myself as I really am.

well, the first thing I am going to do in the next age (after I tear through the crowds to get to Jesus, then hug Him and squeeze him, pour out my heart and soul, and push mary of bethany over to the side so i can wipe his feet with MY hair and never let Him go...ok I guess i'll let Him go so other people can get a turn) after all that I am going to look in a mirror (maybe like another seas of glass or something on the earth!), examine myself, and actually discover the dream of His heart in forming me..what was He really thinking when He knitted me in the secret place? What was really on His heart when He was rejoicing with His father over my exsistence? I am going to admire every way he made me...every arena of my character, my personality, my heart, my face, my body... I am going to love it. I can't wait to meet Jesus' Emily.

Jesus makes my heart soar.

⁹You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.
¹⁰How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much better is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!
¹¹Your lips drip nectar, my bride;
honey and milk are under your tongue;
the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.
¹²A garden locked is my sister, my bride,
a spring locked, a fountain sealed.
¹³Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates
with all choicest fruits,
henna with nard,
¹⁴nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
with all trees of frankincense,
myrrh and aloes,
with all choice spices—
¹⁵a garden fountain, a well of living water,
and flowing streams from Lebanon.

¹⁶Awake, O north wind,
and come, O south wind!
Blow upon my garden,
let its spices flow.

pots.

A spent a lot of time today at David and Barb Hoggatt's pottery store. I went there with my friend Sandi just to check out the place. David and Barb moved to Kansas City 2.5 years ago to be apart of the house of prayer here and to open up a pottery shop...not just to sell pottery, but to create a place for the broken-hearted to come find healing and rest.
Dave showed me around the shop ( i am starting classes in march! can't wait to learn how to throw pots!)...then somehow I ended up staying for 3 hours! I cut out clay hearts (like the two you see above) and smoothed them out.
There is an open heaven over the store...I just kept feeling like I was living in Psalm 23...feeding on green grass and drinking from streams of living water...it was so peaceful. Dave has a real father's heart. He went over to this little container and picked up a heart. He walked over to me, grabbed my hand, and began to prophecy to me about the word on the heart and why it was significant to me. The word was "cure."

..He wasn't done..He walked into the back and picked up another heart. He came over to me once again. He placed the heart in my hand. On one side the word "Life" was written in English and on the other side "Life" was written in Chinese. He held my hand once again and prophesied over me...

I was blessed.

val.en.tine (noun)- a chosen sweetheart

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I have two Valentine's today...:)

jesus & john.













YAY for the day of LOVE!!!!:):) I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day and that Jesus sends Valentine's to each of our hearts!

I have to say, this was a fun day for me...I am in Kansas City and 800 miles away from John:( but I thought I would go back to my elementary days and make him a Valentine's Day card!!:)

I made it before I left and I think it was one of my favorite days of all time...I wish i was still 5 sometimes. you are never too old to make a card out of construction paper. I promise.

I thought I would show you the finished product..

these are two of them..unfortunately I wasn't able to upload the other ones because the files were too big..but you get the picture:)

i'm ill..pray for me.:(

i thought my allergies were acting up so I bought Claritin D, bought Afrin and Saline spray.

then I thought it was a cold...so I got on airborne, bought Zicam, and a multivitamin (I don't know why I bought a multivitamin..I just thought I should probably take them so i wouldn't get sicker?)

I wasn't getting any better...really just getting worse..

so tooodddayyy i looked up symptoms for sinus infections..

yep. that's it.

now I have to go to the Doctor :(

claritin D + Afrin+ saline spray +airborne + zicam + a multivitamin? = waste of money.

really.

I was in the prayer room tonight.

I read the story about Jesus eating at the house of a prominent pharisee. The "sinful" woman comes in weeping and washing His feet with her tears.

The pharisee was religiously offended at the woman.

but...

Jesus receives her. He goes one step further..He DEFENDS her...in front of EVERYONE.


Jesus, who are you? really.


so i think He is serious about those that belong to Him..JEALOUSLY..FURIOUSLY serious....

He is coming back at the end of the age and He is going to slaughter everyone that messed with His bride...and that's that.

wellll...

I have encountered a weakness once again. So, do you remember how I had this exciting goal of taking a picture everyday while I am here?

yeah. scratch that.

I forgot to yesterday. the whole thing is off. the whole thing is ruined.

Okay maybe that was a little dramatic. I'm really not that upset about it for a couple reasons:

1. i don't like taking my camera with me everywhere I go.
a. because it is too cold outside to leave it in the car.
b. I hate hauling that huge thing around everyday

2. no one wants to see three months of the house that I'm living in.
a. how many interesting pictures can I take of a cat?
b. pictures of coffee mugs from all different angles just isn't that cool anymore
c. taking multiple pictures of myself in front of a mirror take me back to my myspace days...and no one wants to go back there. ever.

so there ya have it. I will try to post pictures...just not every day.

Emily Stone

Grammar. punctuation. writing

DISCLAIMER:

I have a tendency to write in stream of consciousness. I am really trying hard not to do that in this blog... if I do I apologize.

ALSO...I know that people who are really good writers get really annoyed when people misspell words, put commas in the wrong place, etc. Well, because I got people to edit my papers in high school and college, I never really learned correct grammar/ punctuation, and, frankly, didn't care :/ I regret that as I write this blog. Unfortunately no one is around to edit it. Sorry guys.

Emily Stone

An encounter with jesus...and a pinch of snow..

Yesterday (February 5) was a busy/ hectic day.

primarily for this reason:

SNOW. Yes, it snowed. These pictures were only the beginning... it got worse..and worse..and worse. I had mixed feelings about it. I think I stared out the window in unbelief for at lest 30 minutes thinking, "how am I gonna drive in this?" "Am I going to have a wreck?" "Oh no! what if I get stuck or spin out of control off the road?"
I guess my roommate (from Pennsylvania) could tell I was a little nervous, so she informed me that we were lucky because it was a "warm" snow. Well, later, in the parking lot after my Commission session it did not feel "warm" when I had to push mounds and mounds of snow off my window with my bare hand while everyone else pulled out their little handy dandy snow brush and brushed it off with one little swipe. Ohhh, what a day. I do have to say, however, snow is nice to look at:)

On a different note:

I decided yesterday I am going to study Revelation.

On a more WONDERFUL/AMAZING note:

I was at the awakening service for 6 hours last night (felt like 2). God really encountered me. He was washing me in His love in a very tangible way.

He REALLY wants His bride to know that He loves her...it's the only way we will become a bride.

As the Lord was encountering me and people were praying for me, my mind was so offended that he would love me. He really shouldn't love me...but He does. Instead of fighting it and arguing with Him about why He shouldn't love me, I decided I would let go and allow Him to love me. He wouldn't let me go for about 3 hours..He just kept moving and moving on my heart, healing wounds, restoring my soul, and making me His all over again. I felt Him do a deep surgery on my heart concerning a wound that had been hurting for almost 2.5 years (very intense moment with the Lord). The Lord spoke truth to my heart and I felt a break through in my spirit.
After the pain of those 2.5 years began to subside, I saw Jesus embracing me really tight. My heart kept saying, "get me to my bridegroom!" "I want my bridegroom!" "Get me to Him!" Oh, in that moment, I wanted Him so bad. I'm not really sure why those phrases were coming to my mind while Jesus was embracing me, but they were coming from a place deep within my belly and I couldn't hold it in...I almost roared it. I wanted to roar it..it felt like a roar. The Lord gently let go of me and then I saw Him hand me this long dazzling sword. I looked at the sword and I asked Him what He wanted me to do with it. I heard Him say, "never let it go."
(A sword in scripture refers to the word.. Jesus is the living Word of God.)
Soon after, some women gathered around me and prayed for me. As they were praying, I had a weird manifestation of what felt like the tip of a sword piercing my heart. It was so real that it almost hurt. I felt like it had to do with His love penetrating my heart and I could physically feel it. Jesus really met me last night and I love Him even more for it.

Emily Stone

p.s. i am going to start believing Jesus loves me/ is ravished/ undone/ overwhelmed with me (EVEN ON MY WORST DAY) whether I like it or not...and you should too.

soup and hummus

I have a new friend! Sandi is her name. she is from New York. we had lunch together today...soup and hummus:) Claritin D also accompanied my meal :(.

LOVE: the strange emotion of God.

Here we go....

"Just as a man pursues a woman or initiates a relationship so God initiates a relationship with us and enters into our world. God is not emotionally sterile in this pursuit. His righteousness does not negate his emotions for us. Quite the opposite in fact. His righteousness means that his emotions are all the more true and correct about us."

God's emotions are not fallen. They are perfect.

It satisfies His righteousness to set His emotions on us.

WHHHAAATTT??

I have this tendency to beat myself up. It's actually a horribly painful weakness. In recent years I have really set my heart to make Jesus the dream of my life. I want to love His righteousness. I want to love His meekness. I want to love His humility. I want to love his beauty. I want to love His gentleness. etc. etc. etc. I really really do. In loving Him and in loving the beauty of His characteristics, I desssspppppperatttellly...I MEAN DESPERATELY want to become like Him. I want to WANT to become more like Him even more than I already do. I really want to be yoked to Him and marry Him one day. I can't wait to marry Jesus.
I can be really hard on myself when I am not walking in LOVE. I put myself on probation, beat myself up until I learn my lesson, make sure I tell myself how horrible I am for not getting it, and try extra hard to make sure I get it right next time. Kinda transparent, but I am SURE there are others who do the same.

**side note...do you ever feel like when God changes/ shifts/ sanctifies/ corrects us you have to do a lot of trial and error before you really learn how to posture yourself rightly? People are so extreme it's like if God corrects one extreme we automatically default to the other extreme. When that doesn't work we finally surrender (hopefully). Does that make sense?

All that to say...I was refreshed by the Lord today. He is so kind to me. Relentlessly kind to me.

He hit me with this truth. And we all know that it is true. It has always been true in my head, but today it really hit my heart in a new way...so i thought i'd share:

Love is not of man. love is not of this world. True love is ONLY born of God.

I'm not gonna lie, something about that offends me. I have casually told people that I loved them my whole entire life...these people that I "loved" made me feel real good...i liked hanging out with them..they never made me deal with my issues..they never made me mad. i "loved" them. On the contrary, if someone hurt me/ made me mad/ got in my way they were automatically on my "stay away i dont love them" list. Unfortunately, this has always been my default, because somewhere in my wicked heart I have thought this was just, good, and right.

ENTER JESUS. so this light came to this dark DARK earth that did not understand light at all. the darkness hated/ did not understand the light. (JOHN 2:5) He came and introduced these magnificant treasures from heaven to man including humility, servanthood, long suffering, righteousness, mercy, grace, etc. and LOVE. One man walked the earth and in his DNA He carried the treasures of heaven and the fullness of God. These treasures are foreign mysteries to the world of man. We know nothing of them apart from Jesus. We know nothing of love apart from Jesus.

For me this is really refreshing. If i make the mistake of staring at my own weaknesses too long I get tired, discouraged, I want to die, give up, and call the whole thing off..my heart gets so offended. This is why my heart LEAPS for the son of God who takes away the sins of the world. When i stare at Jesus my heart soars and I come alive. I love Him for this. I love Him so so so much for this.

so there is my revelation for the day.

Emily

SHIFTING GEARS: Here is my living situation..please enjoy:)

so here is the lovely little house that i am living in. it has survived a lot of years...but it keeps me warm:)

This is my backyard overlooking Shiloh.....and briars/thickets.
Luckily it is a fully furnished house so I didn't have to move any furniture. This is my bed..i bought that lamp at target for like 7 bucks though. :)!!
a little taste of home (thanks to Jenna Day) who put together a collage of pictures for me to display in my room. It makes me miss home...and John :(
I was doing pretty good on furniture, but the room didnt have a mirror. Since there is one bathroom in a house full of four girls I have to get ready in my room. I bought this mirror at a thrift store for 5 bucks! The room had a little desk in it so I turned it into a vanity.
Meet Pimpernell (sp?) He is the cat that has apparently destroyed 5 mice to date.
The first couple of days he wasnt sure about me, but as of today he has finally warmed up to me. So much so, that he followed me all around the house today. When I walked into my room he followed behind and stayed right by my feet until he jumped up on my desk. After I snapped this shot I forced him to come down...he then jumped on my bed (see picture above). I got him off, and he decided to bite my computer chord, hide in my closet, and jump on my dresser. Consequently, Pimpernell is not allowed back in my room (at least not unattended).

HI!

HEEELLLO:)

So I am officially starting my first blog. Ever. This is for several reasons:

1. I am in Kansas City, Mo and have a lot more time on my hands than I had anticipated.

2. I want to take a picture(s) everyday while I am here and I thought a blog would be a good place to post them. Hopefully pictures will help rev my memories of things I learn here.

3. This will help friends/ family back home feel like they are a part of my life.:)

4. Jenna (Day) and I were reading blogs one day and laughed really hard at internet personalities. (So, Jenna, if I use words like "this darling little thing" or "to die for" I am in blog-world so I am exempt from embarrassment. ) <- so that's not really a good reason, but I though I would include it.

so here goes...

MY. LIFE. SO. FAR.

I am currently in Kansas City for the next three months doing a program called Commission. Basically it is a three month intensive on what the Lord has imparted to IHOP (International House of Prayer). I will be learning how to live the life of a forerunner, which includes living a life of prayer, fasting, and preparing the way for Jesus to return to the EARTH!!!!AHH!! :) :)... weird that He is really coming. The program also includes cultivating intimacy with Jesus and getting the Bridal paradigm deeeeeeeep within your heart...God as our husband, running to Him in our weakness instead of away (there is sooooo much more to this mystery I could go on and on).

Today (February 3, 2010) was my first day. We were oriented and then Dale Anderson (the director) spoke on the Bridal paradigm. I have heard the Bridal paradigm many times over, but because the Lord has so tenderized my heart to this revelation I couldn't stop weeping today.

JESUS IS REALLY GOING TO MARRY US.

He really is. I am in so much awe of His humility. His humility is so beautiful. He chose to pursue us, to win us, to yoke us to Him, and to marry us. Oh, and He will marry us. I love Him for this.

"we love him because he first loved us."

I want the Lord to prepare me, to change me, to shift me and to mature me in love while I am here so that I will be made ready for Him when He returns.

~Emily